My sister began walking one and a half kilometers a day to lose weight. When I called to congratulate her on her hard work, she was discouraged. “All I lost is five centimeters,” she wailed, “off the bottom of my walking shoes.”
An acquaintance asked Ravi if he wasn’t putting on a little weight. “All I can tell you,” Ravi answered, “is that the other day I got on a weighing machine that stamps your weight on a card. When the card came out, I read it, and it said, “Come back in ten minutes-ALONE.”
“I am so depressed and I can’t get any dates,” the 135-kilo man told his doctor, “I’ ve tried everything to lose weight.”
“I think I can help,” said the doctor. “Be dressed and ready to go tomorrow at 8 a.m.”
Next morning, a beautiful woman in a skin-tight exercise suit knocked on the man’s door. “If you can catch me, you can have me,” she said, as she took off. He huffed and puffed after her.
This routine went on every day for the next five months. The man lost more than 50 kilos and felt confident that he would catch the woman the next day. That morning he whipped open his front door and found a 135-kilo woman in a jogging suit waiting for him. “The doctor said to tell you,” she began, “that if I can catch you, I can have you.”
Horace grabbed his plate and walked up to the party buffet for the fourth time. Aren’t you embarrassed to go back for so many helpings?” asked his wife who weighed 90 kilos.
“Not a bit,” Horace replied. “I keep telling them it’s for you.”
“I simply can’t stand my husband’s nasty disposition,” wept the young bride. “Why, he’s made me so jittery that I’m losing weight.”
“Then why don’t you leave him?” asked her aunt.
“Oh, I’m going to,” the bride assured her. “I’m just waiting until he gets me down to 120 pounds.”
Actress Beatrice Lilliee said to comedian Bob Hope, “I’m approaching thirty.”
Bob looked at her. “Tell me, Bea,” he queried, “from which direction?’
“My dear woman, you are stouter than ever”, said the Doctor to her.
“Are you following the diet prescribed for you?”
“Nothing whatsoever”, the stout lady replied, “except, of course, my usual regular meal.”
A lady who was taking a serious interest in dieting, confessed when asked for the reason, that her husband asked her, “Do you realize that there are 15 kg of you that I am not legally married to?’
“The reason you are so fat” pronounced the psychiatrist, “is that your whole life if oriented towards food. You like parties for the horsdoeuvres. A football game to you means hot dogs, peanuts and beer. Watching TV is a long succession of snacks
“Wait a minute,” interrupted the patient. “Don’t you serve any thing during psychoanalysis?’
Some children are obese simply because they follow their parent’s food steps.
If you are thin do not eat fast, if you are obese do not EAT, FAST.